Shaq is really a 12-year-old girl named Tanya

Welcome to Shaquille O'Neal's reality, as he told Vanity Fair.

“For the last seven years, I've been a detective for Internet crimes against children. So if you ever see me, you know we've got you. If we come to your house, it's all over. You're going to be arrested. You've been having Internet conversations with me, and we've got all the evidence we need to take you down...
I play a little girl on the Internet. So whatever name I'm going by, that will probably be my catchphrase. If I'm Tanya, then it'll be something like, "Tanya says hello." And they'll be like, "Tanya who?" And I'll say, "You don't know no Tanya, huh? I'm Tanya. Let's go." And that's when the cuffs get slapped on you.”