Sunday, October 16, 2011

Romney plans on being the last clown standing


Mitt Romney intends to win the GOP nomination by default. Like the last clown standing in a game of dodge ball.

He’s got an ace in the hole. Romney is the only candidate who can claim to still have some sanity. He’s striking moderate positions with an eye towards Independent voters and never foams at the mouth when debating or stumping around cities.

It’s a brilliant plan when you stop and think about it.

His competition is so far to the right they’re falling off ideological cliffs like Lemmings every week.

Herman Cain is the current favorite (you really got to hear this guy sing the “Impossible Dream” he’s got a great baritone) and when he’s not chanting 9-9-9 like some dyslexic devil worshipper, he’s sharing his Godfather Pizza success story.

I’m having trouble imagining him taking the oath of office with one hand on a really big (brought there by a wheel barrel size) Bible, and the other holding a cardboard box of takeout pizza as he pledges allegiance to his corporate masters. 


Rick Perry isn’t finished throwing his money around and expect him to unleash some real downhome rhetoric about how oil is our future and how we need to drill in protected areas of Alaska and other parts of the country to protect our corporate interests (which translates into happy CEOs with big bonuses). He wants to do away with the Environmental Protection Agency and any other government watchdog that might try to enforce ANY LAWS that might hinder Big Oil. No surprise really. Texas politics. Texas Tea. Tea Party.


Michele Bachman was doomed from the start. Despite lots of family in Iowa and her “big poll”  win there early on, the minute she opened her mouth and spoke she was sunk. American history? I don’t know where she went to school, but Paul Revere rode to warn Americans…not the British. Her star went screeching into the heavens after so many gaffes her handlers were snickering.


Are there others? I vaguely recall Rick Santorum. Maybe Ron Paul (pass the tin foil hat please my eyebrow is slipping), and Newt Gingrich. If there are other candidates I failed to mention…

they didn’t leave any more impression than a smashed fly on a screen.

Meanwhile, Romney is going to wait and lets his competition eat each other like cannibals on crack, until he’s left standing alone on the beach of sanity… leaving Republicans no one else to vote for. Washed ashore and the GOPs last hope.

Is it too early to start printing up Obama vs Romney t-shirts? I suppose that just depends on how crazy the conservative voters want to be. This isn’t over yet.

That’s okay. Someone has to fill the ticket. If that isn’t inspiring, I don’t know what is.

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