Mitt Tortoise has gathered 399 delegates. He needs 1,144 to win. Rick Tortoise has 176. Newt Tortoise has 137. Ron Tortoise has 31 delegates.
This slow and painful process has got a long way to go before Mitt Turtle rings the bell. And he will. He’s got more money than the rest combined. Like he bragged the other day, “It’s just a matter of math.”
It’s a good thing the four little tortoises have hard shells, because the GOP base has beaten each one up pretty good. They’ve been taking turns holding each tortoise up for their 15 minutes of fame before moving on to the next.
It’s a sad situation, I tell you. The race to lose is on…and may the loser who wins it get fresh lettuce!