Santorum Sanctified by Christian Leaders

Finally!

God, via 150 of his emissaries, came to the conclusion that Rick Santorum should be sanctified and thus be worthy of endorsement for president.

It must have been a touching moment when that blessed group of conservative evangelists agreed on the third ballot to support Saint Santorum for the Republican U.S. presidential nomination.

No doubt angels hovered over the ranch house in Houston where the inspired decision was made. The group of 150 wrestled with supporting Newt (who God had forgiven) Gingrich, Rick “Pastor” Perry, or Saint Santorum.

Then a miracle happened.

"What I did not think was possible appears to be possible," said Tony Perkins, leader of the Family Research Council and spokesman for the group of 150, in a recent interview.

It’ still not entirely clear what the miracle was and how they came to their decision. There’s been some conflicting reports over the nature of the miracle. As far as I can tell there’s three reports to choose from on what occurred at the ranch house that day:

1) Campaign posters bearing Saint Santorum’s likeness floated in mid air around the group pausing in front of every member and glowed with righteous brilliance and a line that said said “Vote for me.” 

2) God himself spoke up (like thunder or really strong speakers) and urged them to support Saint Santorum if they valued their miserable hides.

3) Several representatives were seen to simultaneously fall down on the floor and start speaking a strange language that turned out to be political quotes by Saint Santorum and inspired by God. The onlookers were in awe.

By the way, I would like to point out that Perkins said all factors were considered during the historic Texas meeting and they didn’t even talk about that cult leader Romney.

Need I say more?

Vote Dave in November and at least be able to sleep at night! 

(photo source)